Tomorrow will mark my first day as a full-time writer. Truth be told, I’m terrified. I don’t think what I’m feeling is self-doubt, because I know in my heart I made the right decision. I think what I’m scared of is having nothing to show after this journey is over.

This may very well be a short life-journey, only four or so months. I could end up hating this. I could still be uninspired, much in the way I’ve been uninspired for the last two years. I could find nothing to do with my time. I could slink down into myself and hide from responsibility.

Because I’m thinking of these things, it must mean that at some point I’ve considered these “could haves” as possibilities or solutions to help mask a problem. I will not end up broken like that.

Everyone has so much faith in me, yet here I am on Sunday, tomorrow coming up fast, with so little faith in myself.

I’m all mixed up inside. My mind is racing. Nothing makes sense right now.

I feel as if I’m walking in a dream…

2 Shout Outs

Written with fear by Nichole.
Filed away under introspection, starving artist, video

My last day was yesterday. It was hard packing everything up. My teapot. My 100 pounds of tea. My cards and knickknacks and so many pens… they all had to go home with me. I stared at my desk for a minute at the end of the day with wet eyes.

“This is stupid,” I thought. “You wanted to leave. You chose to leave. And work wasn’t always a bed of roses.”

Despite all the bad and all the strange happenings coming from a seemingly endless void, I really loved the people I worked with. I can honestly call almost all of them friends. I would not feel awkward to tell them anything they wanted to know. I could be myself at work. I could walk around with light-up antennae and no one would bat an eye. Better yet, no one told me to take the silly headband off.

I could make people laugh. Smile. It made the repetitive, mundane work more bearable because I was around the people I loved.

That’s why at 5 o’clock I was crying silently at my empty desk. I didn’t mind leaving my job, but leaving all my friends… that was something I didn’t prepare myself for.

I will miss you guys. I’m glad the 20 of us could go out for one last Friday lunch together and be silly, talking as if nothing was going to happen that day. It was all smiles, laughter and well-wishes.

I am thankful to have people supporting me and the decision I have made. I never would have thought one person could matter so much to so many. It’s given me more faith in mankind. A selfish reason? Most likely. But it’s faith nevertheless.

Love you guys.

3 Shout Outs

Written with sadness by Nichole.
Filed away under friends, starving artist, work

I love tomato bisque, and I love this recipe because I can make 4 to 5 servings of it for under $7. Can we say THRIFTY COOKING!? I had originally ganked the recipe from AllRecipes.com, but have since modified it to meet my own tastes. Cooking is great because it’s very forgiving… if you know what you’re doing.

• 3-4 roma tomatoes, diced
• 4 cups tomato juice
• 1 red bell pepper, diced (optional)
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1 Tbsp sugar
• 10 fresh basil leaves
• salt & pepper to taste
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 cup heavy cream

Put the tomatoes, tomato juice, bell pepper, garlic, vinegar, sugar, salt, pepper and basil into a stock pot, cooking for at least a half hour to soften the veggies. I usually put everything in the pot, turn the heat onto medium-low, and go take a shower or clean up the apartment. It makes the time go by like that, making it seem like you’re eating so much sooner!

After cooking, you need to puree the mix. If you have an immersion blender, great! Use that. I am unfortunate and only have a blender. If you’re down on your luck like me, ladle the soup into your blender and puree. You may have to do this two times. I don’t have a big enough blender to do it all in one shot. Return the pureed soup to the stock pot and turn on low.

CAUTION: When I first made this recipe, I had the blender on high. The soup volcanoed up into the lid and burned my hand something horrible. Let’s just say I did more than cuss up a storm. Use extreme caution when blending the soup with a blender. As a sort of safety, I put a towel over the lid and use an oven mitt to hold the lid down, just in case the soup does a crazy sort of upheaval when blending.

Add the butter and stir into the soup until melted. Add the cream after the butter has melted, heating through for about a minute. Do not boil the soup after you have added the cream!

Serve with flaky, crusty, warm bread if you have it. It’s excellent for dipping. :)

Enjoy!

4 Shout Outs

Written with awesome by Nichole.
Filed away under recipes, thrifty cooking