Jinked

So, dating. For what seems like forever, I’ve had trouble dating, especially when it came to dating men. There are a myriad of reasons, but without getting too specific and boring the living daylights out of everyone, I’ll just say that it stems from anxiety about intimacy and emotional immaturity. While no one takes heartbreak well, I seem to have a really hard time with it. Like, I still have nightmares about an ex I had in high school. Still working on processing the pain and everything that came out of that… almost 14 years later.

I’ve met up a couple guys this past week. One I met at a coffee shop after work on Thursday. He was really kind, had interesting stories, and we had a lot in common. For some reason it’s the guys with long, dark hair that approach me. Maybe they like curly-haired blonds? I don’t know. Friday I went to dinner with another guy. He was very shy, and didn’t seem to want to talk about much. Not sure if it was nerves or just him. At least I wasn’t anxious this time around. Coffee shop guy made me nervous. A lot of men make me nervous. But I’m trying.

Sometimes I question why I’m dating in the first place? Do I want companionship? Am I lonely? Do I feel the need for a partner? I don’t know. My mind is always changing, and I can never stick to one thing.

I’m trying to write about all this, but it’s slow going.

Who will I stumble across next week?