Thinking, inking and watercoloring – Day 179
August 6th, 2010
When I have something to think about, something scary or difficult, I want to make things. And the things I want to make usually fall into the vein of visual art or strange music. I write, yes—I’ve been journaling in a paper journal perhaps a bit too much lately—but it’s only during these times when buried pieces of creativity surface. When I am distressed, I want to do things I normally don’t do on the pretense of it helping me straighten out my thoughts.
In 2006, when something terrible happened to me, I went out and bought a new Yamaha keyboard. When I broke things off with Tre in 2008, I bought a copy of FL studio to play with. When I’ve hit the bottom or had to make a tough decision, I’ve bought things to make jewelry, make cards, zines, things to draw and paint and sketch.
Yesterday, I went to Michaels and bought a cheapish watercolor set and a couple packs of those artist trading cards. I brought them home and put the bag on the table, wondering if I would even use them. When I want to make things, I usually just buy the supplies on impulse, the feeling passes and I never use what I initially bought. The $300 keyboard sitting in my spare bedroom is proof of this.
This afternoon though, I made things. Tryptic type things because I’m struggling with threes. Always with threes, and I made them with ink. I want the threes to not be three because I know it’s what I should do, and it most likely will help with all the things I’m inadequate with right now, but it’s hard. Very hard, or at least it looks that way to me. I have help now, I’m thankful for that, and I have love, but I still feel very small and childlike inside. In a lot of ways I still feel fourteen.
I have a friend who used to write in her online bios that she was “forever sixteen.” I understand that feeling. I don’t know why she writes it, or used to write it, but I get it. I know what it feels like. Whether she’s trapped or there willingly or just says it to be poetic and romantic, it doesn’t matter. I relate. I pull that into my own and understand. Forever.
Murderer, murderer, murderer.
I’m torn between framing these and burning them.
Don’t burn them. Put them away if you don’t want to see them right now but never destroy what you have made. These are an expression of what you are feeling and you can never recreate the those feelings or the art that flows from them!
When you put it that way, I realize you’re right. Thoughts never can be recreated.
So when do you have time to get together and paint? :)
Very nice work there, Nichole. Keep it up!
I know the feeling about wanting/needing more equipment in order feel like you are getting something done. I can relate to that very well.
Once I find my artist trading cards again, I will need to send them your way and we can start trading. Do you have any gatherings in your area for the cards?
I’m with Tracy. Don’t destroy the work. Either put it away or post it in public. ;-)
I never really thought to look in my area to see if there are others around here who trade cards. I guess I also didn’t think about trading them in the first place!
When you find them, make some stuff and we can trade. I like to draw, paint, whatever every now and then.