Wanted: one magical megaelixir – Day 316
December 21st, 2010
Winter wreaks havoc on me. It always has, ever since I was small. It aggravates my Rayndaud’s, triggers my dyshidrosis, and sucks whatever moisture I have left in my skin right out.
But the thing I hate most about winter is the sharp mood change. The SAD. And since it happens every year, I view the low mood the same way I view the Raynaud’s and the eczema: something I just have to endure until about April, and expect to come once again in November. It’s out of my control, hard-wired in me.
I do have a steroid ointment I use when my eczema gets really bad, and I take care to bundle up my hands when going out in the cold, but I’m still afflicted with… these things. They won’t ever go away. I’ve developed the same attitude with the seasonal mood change. I can try to feel better, I can take the proper measures, I can go out and be with friends, have a good time, try to get some sun, but it’s only relief for a little while. It’s still always there.
I know, I know. Whine, whine, whine. If I really hated it I would do something about it, like go to a doctor, but I know I won’t. Using steroid ointment for my fingers is enough. I don’t enjoy the thought of adding more medication to the mix. I know I shouldn’t be so adverse to medicine, but I am. Go ahead and use the insulin analogy. I know it makes perfect sense, but it still doesn’t change my thoughts.
Funny how the mind works. Acknowledging a fact and accepting a fact are two entirely different things. A curse upon mankind, I guess.
Maybe if I’m accountable to someone, I will force myself to work harder, to not oversleep, to eat more, to go out more, to produce and have fun and live. It’s difficult when life is so lackluster, gray and overcast like the sky outside, but I keep telling myself I want to try. Try, try, try. Trying is worthless. I have to do.
Tonight is the shortest day of the year, and from here on out the days will only get longer. It’s something to look forward to.
The SAD will eventually curl up inside me and sleep for awhile, and I won’t have to think about it for months.
Solidarity. My refrain for the whole of winter is “Endure. Endure. Endure.” I don’t sleep more (noticeably) than I do at any other point, but I eat more – as if I expect to hibernate – and experience all the emotional dips.
Be gentle with yourself, even when you try to break routine or seek the active “do.” There’s a difference between beating yourself up and pushing for self-improvement (a difference I’m still trying to figure out), but the first step is kindness for yourself.
Love.
Love you too, Shara. Thank you.
Let me know if you need anything yourself. Thinking of you.
I agree with your previous poster, Shara. Be kind to yourself. :3
Will do.
Have you tried fish oil or flax seed oil tablets? I visited a beautician once who told me they would help naturally hydrate your skin from the inside. I didn’t monitor my skin when I was taking them, but every now and then, I’ll pop a few just in case. (they have other health benefits too)