Guilty – Day 146
July 4th, 2010
I have a horrible habit of feeling guilty.
When I’ve done things to hurt others, I feel guilty, and rightfully so. However, I feel guilty for many things I probably shouldn’t even feel guilty about. This week is a good example. The place I’m contracting for had given me this past week off, and so I did a lot of fun things with the free time. I went to the Taste of Chicago with Rahsaan, I celebrated Social Media day, I went to a tweetup and a drinkup, finished a big web project so I could get paid and saw the fireworks last night was some of my closest friends in Cedar Lake. I met some great people, caught up with those I haven’t seen in awhile, made some new plans for the coming weeks.
But I didn’t do any writing or editing, and for that I feel extremely guilty.
I don’t know where this guilt stems. Why should I feel guilty? I don’t think anyone is expecting anything from me. No one has high expectations of me completing a million writing projects other than myself. Why can’t I enjoy a week off with people that make me laugh and smile and make me happy to be alive without feeling the tug of guilt on my mind?
I never felt like this when I had a steady job. Sure, I hated not having the time to complete creative projects, but now that I’m without a steady paycheck I find myself riddled with guilt more than ever before. Is it an issue of money?
I lied. There was one thing I did write this past week. Friday I made a list of secrets. I’m thinking about making small cards, a la PostSecret, scanning them and then leaving the originals around Northwest Indiana. When you cast away the burdens you have carried for a week or a lifetime, it feels good. Freeing. Liberating.
How apropos for the 4th of July.
Nichole, hey, I discovered your blog because I’m friends with Donna Flanagin, and follow her blog.
Your profile is very different, and funny, from the status quo. That’s cool.
So I’m following you on Twitter, but was unable to send a LinkedIn invite. send one my way if you’d like.
Anyway, Donna has a link to one of my blogs on her site. I’m like “the blog whisperer”, writing five daily blogs, each one different.
Just wanted to share that, to challenge you to write, after watching your You Tube, it sounded like you want to.
I need everyone and their brother challenging me to write, because there are some days where I really don’t feel motivated at all.
Glad I piqued your interests, and I’m glad we both have knowing Donna in common. She is an amazing woman.
Nichole, try to understand your root challenge. So when you don’t feel like writing, ask “why?”. Then once you answer that question, ask why again, and keep asking why five times to your five answers and it should lead you to the root of your challenge.
No one is immune from the temptation to quit, blah, blah, blah…
It’s been 16 months, without missing a day, writing five (different) daily blogs.
Anyway, when you can’t write, ask yourself, how does he do 5 each day,every day. BTW, it was never a goal, it just happened, and now I can’t stop. :)
Find your purpose and ask yourself if you’re a candle or a bonfire. Feed your fire with fuel, otherwise (duh) it’ll go out.
Nichole, hope this helps you, even if just a tiny bit. I just think quitting is for amateurs and impossible is nothing.
Oh, believe me, I’m not quitting. Sometimes just writing about the struggle helps.
I used to have lofty, nearly inhuman-capable goals and think that I still get hung up on them, like writing over 3000 fresh words a day or editing projects for eight hours straight, but I have to realize that living is also important. A house needs to be kept, I need to cook for myself, I need to exercise, go to the grocery store and take breaks to read, among all the other chores that make life… life.
Quitting is never an option no matter how tempting it may be.
It is nice to relax, but I know how you feel. I really haven’t done too much to work on the goals that I have had for the summer. And while they are only goals that I put up for myself, I still feel bad when I don’t do them.
Taking breaks are great, but it is easy to think about the stuff that you didn’t do. Don’t worry too much though, I’m sure you will get back to the grind of writing. You are more disciplined than I.
We need to annoy each other more often, making sure we’re doing the things we need to do.
Our antagonist is our friend.
Without someone to push us, we fall behind.
Your goal should be to eventually learn how to coach yourself, so that nothing and no one can’t steal your passion.