Jinked

Or with men for that matter.

I have a video from today, but it’s late and I’m tired and I’m really not in the mood to edit it, so I figure it’d be best to come back to it tomorrow. I don’t work well with a fuzz-tipped mind. No one wants a half-assed video. I’ll make it good, I promise.

I finished up the copy for my second zine: Pieces #2: On Girls. I was originally going to put the stories of boys and girls together, but it would have been entirely too long. Plus, the transition from one into the other would make for something interesting. Something tangy. Crisp. I sound like I’m talking about pickles.

Oh Freud, I loathe you sometimes, I really do.

Reading through these stories, I realize I depended a lot on keeping my pride in tact, my shame at bay and my mind a million miles away from the possibility of acting on a lot of my desires. I need to take a lesson from this girl I know named Tat. She hates what-ifs and could-haves.

It’s really hard but what I always go by is that I would rather take a risk and see what happens rather than not do something and wonder what COULD have happened.

I think if I always backed down I would be sad about my life.

I really admire that in her, and lately I’ve been trying to not worry so much about rejection and failure. It doesn’t hurt to try, I know. The worst that could happen is that I’m turned down, and that doesn’t have to hurt badly if I don’t let it. Still… it’s something I’ve had problems with all my life. I’m not good with rejection.

Then again, no one ever likes it.

Life is about taking risks, about being uncomfortable. When things start to blend and turn into routine, that’s when you know you’re really stuck.

I don’t want to live in a rut, no matter how safe it makes me feel.