Overcoming your fears – Day 115
June 3rd, 2010
I’ve always had a problem with relationships. There are multiple reasons why this is, and all my friends can tell you a different story I’m sure. At the root of it though, there is fear. Fear of meaning something to someone, fearing the chance things won’t work out, fear of disease. Even a fear of cheating which is completely irrational on my part given my relationship situation right now.
Nevertheless, this is a part of my life I’ve never grew into. I’m successful in all other aspects of my life, or so I like to believe. There is just something about intimate relationships that I could never quite grasp. It’s something I left behind in high school, and so I haven’t really matured in that area.
I’ve found out that sometimes it’s better to admit defeat and seek help rather than be too proud and try to solve things on your own, oftentimes in vain. I’m already learning. You cannot change feeling, but changing thought and behavior is something very doable. I know I can do it.
It’s all so easy sounding. Everything in therapy always sounds so easy, and I often think, “Why didn’t I think of or realize this before?” But sometimes you need that third party to intervene. To give you that push.
Helping people makes me happy because I love teaching. However, it also makes me feel needed, like I mean something to someone. I’m of value. I’m not worthless. I am a wonderful human being. We all matter, no matter who we are.
I’m taking time to do things that make me happy. Even small things like coding for a few hours, playing a video game, reading a book. Life is too short to be spent dwelling on what-ifs. I know what I have to do: take baby steps. Do not be afraid. Do not give in to anxiety. The mind is a malleable thing. So are thoughts.
Realize this.
“…like I mean something to someone. I’m of value. I’m not worthless. I am a wonderful human being. We all matter, no matter who we are.”
That’s something I try to convey to people as a pastor. God knows you intimately and loves you deeply, faithfully, overwhelmingly. God is crazy about you.
I’m glad you’re seeking help, Nichole! We all need it!
And thanks again for opening your life up to us all here on your blog. Courage!
Thank you. Sometimes it doesn’t feel courageous at all, but I’m glad others see it as courage. :)
Well I think your awesome in every way! And I know you can overcome whatever obsticle stands in your way of becoming happy, I mean I have watched you learn Flash in a matter of hrs, code a full website in a matter of half a work day. Chica you can do anything you set your mind to, I have seen it and know you can do it, I believe in you but most important I think this time, you believe in yourself. So put your head up, eyes forward and say “move biaa get out the way, get out the way, get out the way.. lol :-)
Tu eres una chica muy fuerte y encontraras el amor y seras feliz.
Tu amiga de siempre
Gracias chica. Tu eres una amiga bien. Tu siempre digas el cosas correctas.
I have no idea if that’s even right, but it was worth a shot! I miss trying to speak Spanish with you. I think I’ll always be better at reading it than typing it, but you have to start somewhere, right?
Thanks girly. You are awesome.
The best thing is to take things at the pace that you feel comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to push ahead and don’t be worried about the results. Sometimes we are hurt more on what we are afraid to do than what we actually will do. Pain is a given in life, but the way that we handle it can make all the difference. I really hope that you get to that place that you want to be at. You are making smart moves and you know that you have plenty of support.
Thanks chumpy. I’ll be coming to you if the pain is too much. You can make me some food to console me or something. Hee.
You rock Nichole! You mean a lot to a lot of people. I for one can not imagine not having you in my life.
As for the teaching…… Have you ever considered volunteering for literacy? Imagine giving the gift of reading to someone. Talk about making a huge impact….. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not be able to read, but there are many people out there who can’t.
Just a thought.