Joys and sorrows of the weekend – Day 20
February 27th, 2010
No video today, but that doesn’t matter. Today was a no-work day. Well, no writing work anyhow, and I’m regretting. I did, however, clean the apartment top to bottom. I even organized my utility closet, so now things aren’t in disarray. I like it organized. Neat.
I played Persona 3 for a few hours. People turned traitor on me and then promptly committed suicide. I wish I could have fought and obliterated them instead. Oh well. I don’t need the exp anyhow. I shouldn’t have played today.
Marisol’s birthday is today, and to celebrate we’re all going dancing at La Pachanga in Chicago. I’m just thankful they don’t have a dress code (at least according to Marisol) because that means I can wear sneakers. That, in turn, means I will be comfortable. Seriously, I don’t know how women can dance all night in high heels. Way too hurty-looking.
I’m very uncomfortable right now. I keep telling myself not to doubt. It’s been twenty days, and I feel like I should have accomplished much more than I already have. I should have my short story done. I should be working on another. I should have printed my zine. I should have written some fic. I should have. Should have. Should.
I’m too hard on myself; I know this. It’s just really hard for me to do anything about it. I’m losing faith.
I shouldn’t have played Persona 3 today. I should have written instead.
I just want to curl up inside myself and hide. I feel the need to expunge my guilt.
Nichole, Nichole, Nichole….
I am sitting here shaking my head in disbelief. You have accomplished a lot in the past 3 weeks. Perhaps you need to go back and read all of the entries of your journey. You really are waaaaay to hard on yourself. Take the time that you need, enjoy what you are doing, Life is not a race. It is kind of like the difference between driving somewhere and walking there. When you drive, you are focused only on the road and your destination. When you walk you look around and observe, maybe stop to get a closer look, perhaps take a detour because you see something a little ways off in the distance that catches your eye, etc., you are still on the path, but it is a much richer experience than that of the drive. Pull over, get out and walk. = )
We can all be hard on ourselves, and if we are not, who will be? Although I cannot condone video games, I do agree that everyone needs a break from creative endeavors.
I agree with Laura, if you look back and read what you have written in your journal, I think you will see how much you have written. Have you thought about using breaking down these bigger projects into smaller projects, especially the zine, and working on the smaller units each day. This always helps me get a bigger project done.
Keep up the break work, Nichole. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I really like Laura’s walking analogy. Get out of the car and walk. You’ll get some exercise and enjoy the journey as oppose to the destination.