Jinked

We texted back and forth around noon today

U just gotta know that ppl will always talk no matter how good u try to b. So just remember that as long as u and those that u love know the truth then what others say doesn’t matter. We all know u and know u would never [do that] so who gives a shit what they say.
–text message from Marisol

When people spread rumors without checking facts rather than finding it in them to ask me, “Hey, I heard this about you. Is it true?” it bothers me. It shouldn’t because if I know something isn’t true, and if the people who know and care about me know it isn’t true, why should I even turn on the valve of dread in my stomach? People thrive on drama, and my reacting to their arbitrary finger pointing only fuels the fire.

I laid in bed for a few hours today, napping and thinking before my brain slipped into sleep. I thought of a story, and the real life ones are always the best. My friend Atom and I went out to dinner sometime in January, and he was talking about forgiveness. He said, once he found out how to forgive (everyone in his life that wronged him and I think he said himself too), he felt so free. Like he could do anything. And he can. Atom is one of the people I look up to, not as just a designer, but as a pretty awesome human being that has all the shit in his life straight. He doesn’t waste his time on the petty things.

I have to be confident in me and learn how to forgive like he did, even the malicious ones who think I work for some crooked man because I inadvertently linked to something.

Justin is right; it’s not worth it anymore. People will not let their anger go and just move on with their lives. Instead they hide behind a screen feeling sorry for themselves and attack other people (wrongfully, but maybe rightfully as well) to make up for it.

Being a little lame today and unable to concentrate on writing and reading, I started working on a design for a new WordPress theme. It’s going to be for Jinked, since I’m already a little tired of looking at this one. Besides, I need more practice when it comes to building WP themes anyhow. There is so much to learn, so many new things to try and experiment with.

These past three months I’ve been doing my best to remain optimistic about my writing and trying to make something of it in the end. Hopefully by July I will be done with this cracked memoir and then I can set out to edit it into a work of fiction while pushing it to agents. I don’t like the gray area memoirs have to tread. Look at A Million Little Pieces and even the controversy around Augusten Burroughs and his works, particularly Running With Scissors.

Always Chasing the Child is something else I’d like to work on soon. I know I keep saying it, but I will get around to it soon… I promise.