I think I know what I have to do.
January 22nd, 2010
A friend of mine, Sandy, mailed me a handful of zines many months ago all the way from Australia. Sandy is an awesomely amazing, creative girl. Woman. We’re women now, but when we first met over twelve years ago on a now-dead UBB forum, we were just girls.
Tonight I was reading a zine called aubade. It’s the third issue, about a girl and her journey into adulthood, towards freedom. Freedom from a mundane life, self-doubt, everything. There was a part somewhere in the middle of chapter 15 that started to make me cry. It was then I realized how miserable I’ve been all this time.
Over a year ago, when I was first trying to decide what to do with my life, I had a conversation with a friend about his decision to move to New York City and play music. I greatly admire him, just as I admire anyone who can cast off all the self-doubt and nay-sayers and follow through with a deep-seated artistic or creative endeavor. “What’s the worst that can possibly happen?” he asked me. “Even if you end up broke and back at your parent’s house, you still did it, for a year or two years, or whatever. Once I realized that—that I couldn’t fail—then my possibilities were limitless.”
I have struggled with my writing for over two years. Two years. It may not seem like a lot, but to one who has written almost every single day for over half her life, it seems like an eternity.
I know what I have to do.
No matter what you do, I’ll root for you. I’ve got faith in your awesomeness.
holy shit! has it really been 12 years? we really are women now, aren’t we. or at least, we should really behave like we are. ;)
time to stop being a scared little girl, waiting for amazing things to come to you. two thumbs up! would cheer for you again A++
I know you can do it! :) Hang in there and never give up – there are periods that takes a lot of struggling, but one day it will be worth it, you know!
<3
We always told you while you were growing up that you could do/be what ever you wanted to do/be. We believed in you then and we believe in you now. You are an incredible person Nichole. You can do anything you set your mind to. Believe it. Go for it.
Does this mean you’re moving to New York?
;)
Do what you want to do, Nichole!